well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
