I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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