I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
