will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is the high leading the old right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
