Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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