I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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