Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
