two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So here I am, sexting at work.
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