I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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