She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
