Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
