If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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