you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
