lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm always down for nudity.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
