I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
