Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
