i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.