You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
