Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize