WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
