You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
