Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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