babies were throwing up all over the place
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
