bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize