do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just cut my nipple shaving
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
