I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
