mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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