The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
