Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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