Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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