Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
