I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
