bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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