Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
