i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
