There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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