Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
