very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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