so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im holly from the hills drunk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
