saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
