Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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