my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
