i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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