Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
