who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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