Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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