What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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