Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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