I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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