There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
