I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
