Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
