I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
