and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
