you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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