Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
