I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
