the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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