Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
