when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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