The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
