Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
