i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
