ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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