there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
