hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
