I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
