We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
