I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
