I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize